The Wannabe Harley Rider

• Wearing a Harley T-Shirt with nothing on the back...

A real Harley shirt has dealer artwork on the back and chronicles a biker's travels. Shirts with "no backs" are bought at local department stores by dweebs.

Ok, I got a rebuttal on this from people who argue that the official shirts are overpriced. Well, ok. So, you'll spend $30,000 on a bike but want to save $10 3000 miles from home? Umh, buying the bike really screwed your budget, eh...?

• Used to own a Harley but can't remember which model...

That's like saying you used to be married but you can't remember her name.

• Owns a 1970 something Softtail...

For some reason, this is the #1 BS story I encounter everywhere. Considering they started making the Softtail in 1984, these people have real collector's items!

• Owns a "new" Harley, but has never been further than a "three hour tour"...

Ya Sure, I own exercise equipment I never use. Never heard me call myself a body-builder!

• Owns a "new" Harley, it's a first bike, and they're a total snob against "Jap riders"...

Most of us who have been riding since before it was "cool" started on practically everything. I have more in common with someone who rides foreign iron (of course, in Canada everything is foreign anyway!) than someone who profiles the latest from the Harley boutique. When all the hype moves on to some other thing like custom vans again or something, a lot of these bikes will be For Sale!

• Idea of a shooter does not involve tequila or Jack Daniels, just a lot of creme de this and that...

No, you definitely don't have to drink to be a biker! But if you do, have some class, please!

• Knows where to put key & gas, anything else should be done by your authorized Harley dealer...

Wouldn't want to get those new Harley jeans dirty! My favorite is showing these new age road warriors how to check their tire pressure, ha!

• Has a new Harley tattoo, wearing at least 16 "official" HD items of attire ("biker boots", watch, hat, socks etc.)...

OK, you have your first Harley. Welcome to the club. Your first job is to be a corporate billboard. You'll understand later why some of us are snickering...

• Has 15 homemade tattoos, wearing at least 16 things that says "Harley", and is 17 years old tops (usually found in malls)...

This one's not even worth commenting on.

• Squeaky new leather in the spring, same squeaky new leather in the fall...

Wow, you must really go through a lot of Mink Oil. Umh, "what's that" you ask...?

• Doesn't own a truck and dog...

OK, you can argue this one. Just seems proper, that's all.